Tribute to my Dad, Missing Him Everyday.....

31 years ago, my Dad passed away........

I have now lived more than half of my life without him but he is with me each and every day.......

I am a strong, opinionated, independent woman because of him......

He always told me " NEVER LET ANYONE USE YOU AS A DOOR MAT!!"

I am proud to say that I am a Carpenter's Daughter!!!

His daughter.....

This is a re-post of a Tribute I wrote last year on the 30th Anniversary of His Passing......

The 30th Anniversary of the Worst Day of My Life, the Day my Dad Passed Away

One of the last photos taken of my Dad

It was February 26, 1987

I had just come home from doing night shift on a private duty case in Wyoming, a town a mere 5-10 minutes from where my parents lived.

Mom and Dad

I had a thought as I left the house where my patient lived that maybe I should go and have a cup of coffee with my Dad who, by then, had already seen my Mom off to work.

But I decided I was too tired and decided to go home instead....a decision that I would regret for many years.....until I realized that what is meant to be, will be.......

 I had just laid down and the phone had begun to ring. These were the days where there was no cell phones, no caller ID and no answering machines.

Mom and Dad's Wedding Picture

I usually would let the phone ring and not answer it but it kept ringing and ringing and I suddenly experienced a terrible feeling of dread....

When I answered the phone, it was my only sister, Barb, telling me that she had called my Dad and there was no answer.......

We both knew why......

Over these past 30 years, Heart Disease has taken pretty much all of my Dad's 7 siblings and his Mother.

In 1985, my Uncle Joe, had passed away suddenly while sautering pipes in the bathroom , where my Aunt Helen found him when she returned home from work later that day.....

Dad was a Master Sargent in WWII

Prior to that, my Aunt Mary, my Dad's oldest sister, had died on the table in the operating room during  Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery.

 My uncle Lenny, the youngest of the 8 siblings and a father of 9 children, died while eating supper at the dinner table at the age of 49.

When my Uncle Joe died 2 years earlier, my sister and I had the uncanny feeling that our Dad would be next.

 We had actually discussed how it would happen and what we would do.

We knew it would be sudden, we knew that for some odd reason my sister, who lived closer, would find him because Mom would be at work and we knew that by the time she got there, nothing could be done to save him.

Earlier in the beginning of the year, my Dad had been admitted to the hospital for cardiac issues . He did everything the Dr.'s told him to do like limiting his salt intake, taking new medications he had prescribed and even lost almost 30 pounds.

But it was not enough......

Back to February 26, 1987

My sister is on the phone telling me there is no answer...

We knew Dad could not have gone anywhere because Mom took one car to work and the other was in need of repair and not drivable at the time.

Quickly, we discussed what she would do.......

Knowing she would be finding Dad...

We knew she could do nothing because too much time would have passed even though she was also a nurse.....

She would call me as soon as she got there...

Barb was pregnant at the time with her 5th child and had to take my niece, Lynn, who was 5 years old at the time, with her......

I called Joe at work and told him to be on stand by because I was sure that my sister would be finding my Dad dead...

He said I was crazy but I knew in my heart that I was right.....

I paced the floor in my Kitchen, waiting for my sister's call......

Finally, I could not wait anymore and I dialed my parent's phone number........

My sister answered and all I heard her say was "Lynn, don't go in that room"!!

I knew that my world would never ever be the same.....the 1st Love of My Life was gone.....

How could this happen.......

I was 29 years old and my sons were only 3 and 5 years old.......

They would never benefit from all the knowledge that my Dad had to offer.......

My Dad was 67 years old......

I called Joe to come home ........ A dear friend and neighbor was then called to go and pick up my sons at day care because I knew I would have to be making arrangements......

My sister and I had decided that she would call the Police and they would then know what to do.....

When Joe and I pulled up to my parent's home, neighbor's were standing outside crying, the police were in the Kitchen with my sister ...

My Dad was in the bedroom....he had apparently been sitting on the bed and simply fell back onto the bed.......

They assured me that it was sudden and he felt no pain......A massive heart attack......

Dad, who was retired, had gotten up with my Mom, made her breakfast, waved goodbye to her from the Living Room picture window as she pulled out of the drive way to go to work. She still worked part time in a Dress Factory......

He then used to lay back down for awhile. Hence the reason why he was laying on the bed.......

It was decided that Joe and I would drive to Pittston, where my Mom worked, to tell her........

When my Mom walked into the office where we waited for her, she screamed when she saw us....... She knew.....

This was one of the hardest things I ever had to do......

She sat on that bed a long time, stroking my Dad's head, whispering " Frankie", a name I had never heard her call him before that day......

My Mom sold that house 3 months later, as she could not stand to live there with all the memories that her "dream house" held......She moved to a Senior Citizen's Apartment.....

My Mom was never the same and for the 18 years that she lived without my Dad, all she wanted was to be with him.......They are together now.....

There was a sadness in my Mom's eyes that never went away after Dad died

The rest of that day was a blur.... I had been up over 35+ hours before I finally went to bed that night.....

The 2nd hardest thing was telling my sons that their Grampy had gone to heaven.....

Jim, who was 3 years old, did not understand and would grow up not having any memories of my Dad.......

Joey, who was 5 years old, would only have one memory of my Dad and it would be my Dad , laying on the floor playing with him and for this, I am forever grateful because his memory shows the true essence of who my Dad was.......

I have missed my Dad every day for these 30 years.......

My Dad taught me many things.....

How to upholster my own Dining Room chairs and I have done so many times!!

How to use a roller the right way when painting

How to put up wall paper border

The border I put up in the Powder Room when we remodeled the down stairs

How to spackle dry wall so that when I moved my pictures around, he would not have to come up to spackle the holes even though he would have jumped at the chance to visit with me.....

How to paint and stain furniture

A piece of furniture that I painted and made into a Faux Fireplace

How to put up paneling...He turned what used to be a patio off the back of our townhouse into what is now our Den and another room in our house......

How to plant shrubs and flowers

My Cottage Garden

How to lay a brick sidewalk ( I laid the sidewalk myself in the above photo)

How NOT to step in a paint can!!

For you see, I am a Carpenter's Daughter.....

My Dad built the 2 homes that I lived in as a child.....

The 1st house Dad built upon returning home from WWII, with Christmas decorations that he made

He taught me how to decorate for Christmas because it was my Dad who truly loved Christmas and it was him who took great joy in decorating for it, often making his own decorations....

  The 2nd house he built when I was 4 years old

He taught me how to make turkey soup, which I still make and my sons love....

He taught how to make his sausage filling which is still a tradition for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house......

But one of the most important things he taught me was to speak up for myself and to "Never let anyone use you as a door mat"!!!

He taught me kindness, compassion and understanding...

He taught me that I could do anything that I wanted to do if I put my mind to it......

 I always said that if my Dad could drive me to the Moon, he would. He drove me and all of my friends everywhere I ever asked him to take us and NEVER complained about it. I made sure I did the same for my own sons and their friends.

 I was his "Debbie Webbie".    When he called me Deborah, I knew he meant business. But that was not too often. He was the teddy bear of the family.

 Mitch Album , one of my favorite authors, posed the question in his book " For One More Day", What would you do if you could spend one more day with a loved one?  Both my sister and I agree that day would be spent with my Father, just talking.

I miss him every single day but he is with me forever in my heart....

 I hear him saying "That a girl!" when I finish a project in my home or especially when I am laying under the Tree on the platform that he made, setting up my Christmas Village, just like he used to do.....A tradition I will carry on until I am no longer physically able to do so....

My Christmas Village, on the platform that my Dad built 38 years ago

 I see him smiling with that tear in his eye when my sons accomplish a particular goal.

 I have felt his presence watching over me and my family for these 30 years , keeping us safe, keeping us happy.

 Joey, Joe and Jim

 I know he is so proud of my sister's family and mine....

Me and Barb

He would be thrilled that shortly after his passing, Joe, who was great friends with my Dad, quit drinking ( 30 years ago now) for the sake of our marriage and now recently quit smoking!

 I see my Dad in my sons......

He would be thrilled that Jim found his soul mate, Danielle.....

 And that Joey is independent and successful in his career and cherishes all the Holiday traditions that I have continued.....

 I know my sister, Barb, also feels he is watching over her family......

 Barb

 Barb and her husband, John

   I know he is thrilled to see the persons that my sister's children and all his grandchildren have become.....

 John, Dan, Mom holding Lynn, Lisa and Dad holding Joey

   Brian ,Lisa, John, my brother-in-law, Lynn, Dan and John

He would be so excited over his Great Grandchildren and Great Great Grandchildren........

My sister and her grandchildren

Madalyn,Carly,Caitlin, Cortney, Barb, John and Will

 Madalyn and Carly, Cortney, Barb and Caitlin

My niece Lisa and her husband John

John and Lisa

Sadly, Lisa's son Craig has joined my parents in heaven......

 I know that my Dad is keeping him under his wings.....

Craig's children

Lisa and her grandchildren

My nephew John, his wife Renae and their family

 Cortney, Carly, Renae, Caitlin and John

Cortney, Carly and Caitlin

My nephew Dan and his wife Heather

Heather and Dan

My niece Lynn, who was with my sister when she found Dad that day 30 years ago, her husband Ed and their family

 Lynn, Will, Madalyn and Ed

 Will

 Madalyn

My nephew Brian, whom my sister was pregnant with in 1987, and his wife Anne

 Anne and Brain

I know that my Dad is bursting with pride at the family that he and my Mom started........

My sister and I memorialized our family by purchasing a paver that lies outside her church.....

 Next to the Bell that was once housed in the Church where my parents were married, where my sister and I received all our sacraments and were married and where my sons were baptized......

   The church has since been demolished and the parish merged with my sister's parish.....

I can't believe 30 years has passed since that day.......

FRANK KOLOJEJCHICK
1919-1987

That day changed my life forever but also made me the strong person that I have become.....

If your parents are still living, please tell them that you love them before you no longer have the chance.....

I so wish I could have just one more day with my Dad..........

Thanks to those who took the time out of their busy day to spend a little bit of time with me today, remembering my Dad.....

I hope you will stop by and visit again.....

If you do not have a blog, PLEASE  give me some way to reply to your comment, maybe by including your email in your comment.  If I can not find a way to reach you, I will reply on the post where you commented so please check back......

Hugs,
Debbie