32 Years Have Passed.......Remembering My Dad

  Welcome to Debbie-Dabble Blog!!!

I am so happy you decided to stop by!!

32 years ago today, on February 26th, my Dad, the first love of my life, passed away suddenly.......alone......never getting to say Good Bye........

Have I really lived more than half my life without him??????

Two years ago, I wrote a post about the events of that day and why it haunted me for a long time......

Click HERE if you would like to read it.....

Above is the last photo that was taken of my Dad several days before he passed away.....

It took some time for me to realize that everything that happened that day, happened for a reason and it was meant to be....

In this post, I want to talk about how my Dad shaped me into the strong, independent person that I am today from a very young age.......

I apologize for the photos as I have been removing tons of old photos from those magnetic albums.....

I took photos of the ones used in this post.....

In June of 1970, the Summer before I was entering 7th grade, my Dad was working construction and doing a "Roof Job" as he called it......

Here you can see he is taking a nap after work after doing a "concrete job"!!

 He liked to take my Mom and me for a ride on Sundays and show us where he would be working the following week......

My Mom, who always had a 6th sense about things, did not like the house that he would be working on because it had an incredibly steep roof and she feared that something bad was going to happen.......

I still remember what that roof looked like.....

The following Friday, when my parents were both leaving for work ( my Mom worked full time in the Garment Industry as a sewing machine operator her whole life) , my Mom said she was relieved that this would be the last day for my Dad on that "Roof Job".

But that relief was short lived.......

Shortly after 9am that morning, the scaffolding that my Dad and another worker were standing on, pulled away from the building and my Dad fell over 30 feet, landing on the sidewalk below......

He landed sitting up therefore fracturing multiple vertebrae in his back and crushing his ankle.....

Since the other worker seemed to be hurt worse than my Dad ( he ended up not being hurt that much as he was much younger than my Dad), he told EMS to tend to the other worker first.....

That was so typical of my Dad......

My Dad had my sister called, who was married, and now living locally...

It was she who had to go to my Mom's place of work to tell her about the accident...

When my Mom saw my sister walking towards her , she asked " Is he dead or alive????"

Long story short, that was the day that my childhood, as I knew it, ended.......

Before that day, I was home enjoying the Summer....

Being left home alone as both my parent's worked, being able to sleep as long as I wanted to and do what I wanted to as long as I stayed in our neighborhood.....

So you see that even though I was only 12 years old, I was pretty independent at a very young age but with little responsibilities....

When my Dad came home from the hospital, my mother was not able to stay home as she had to work because my Dad's income was gone until he received Workman's Comp which I remembered taking a very long time back then.......

So at the age of 12 years old, I became my Dad's Caretaker.......

I had to get up early in the mornings and help him get into a huge metal back brace and fasten what seemed like a million straps.....

I then had to help him get into a wheelchair ...

 As his leg was casted up to his thigh and was not allowed to bear weight on it....

I cooked breakfast and lunch for him which was not new to me as I used to do that for myself......

But I could not leave him alone that first Summer that he was considered disabled because God forbid if he fell......

I thank God for my childhood friends Cheryl and Linda, who lived by us and my best friend, Anne, because they would come over and join my Dad and me in numerous card games along with Parcheesi ,Topple, Racko, Uno and Scrabble!!

Even though I was resentful and angry at times as any child would be having to take on that much responsibility.......

I am THANKFUL for that Summer as that forged a deep bond between my Dad and I that I never would have had if he not had that accident and continued to work full time......

I got to spend more time with my Dad than most children EVER get to spend with their Father.....

Again, everything happens for a reason........

 My Dad became my Best Friend and a good friend to my friends!!

That Summer, my parents also became Grandparents for the first time with the birth of my Niece , Lisa!!

 You can see my Dad is holding Lisa while sitting in his wheelchair....

After his first cast, that was up past his thigh, came off, he was given a "Walking Cast, enabling him to get around better....

I went back to school in the Fall and my Dad, being more mobile, was able to take care of himself  but was bored out of his mind!!!!!!

He was always used to doing things by himself since his mother died at a young age....

He always was a great cook but now started to do all the cooking while hanging on to crutches in a back brace....

He even started to bake with one day attempting to make a cake mix that my Mom had in the cupboard, leaving the Kitchen looking like a bomb hit it!!!!

He then started to bake apple pies using the apples from our apple tree in the back yard......

He became a better cook and baker than my Mother was and she was happy about it!!

 Also in the Fall of 1970, after that Summer when he had his accident, I started working.......

Yes, at 12 years old , I was baby sitting for 4 different families and earning my own money......

I knew that money was tight for my parents and this way, I would not have to ask them for money......
 
I do not think that I would have taken on that much responsibility at such a young age if I had not become my Dad's Caretaker that Summer....

He was eventually put into an ankle brace as they were trying to get the crushed bones in his ankle to "knit" back together and he no longer needed to wear the back brace......

We used to go on Vacation every year since I was 2 years old to Wildwood, N.J.....the Jersey Shore!!!

I am 5 years in this photo taken in 1963!!

It killed him that we missed going in 1970 but he was determined that we would go in 1971!!!

So off we went to Wildwood, even though he was walking with a cane and a brace on his left ankle!!!!

 You can see that he has his sock pulled up over the brace.......

Yes, money was tight but my parents felt that we all needed a vacation......

I am so grateful that they felt that way because I have wonderful memories!!

Here we are playing cards like we did so often!!!!

 I am 13 years old in this picture!!

When we first started to go to Wildwood, we stayed in one of those wonderful old Hotels that was built in the early 1900's, The Hotel Garfield!!!!

The Dining Room was under those stairs and your breakfast and dinner were including in the price!!!!!!

 Not only did my Dad climb those stairs to the main floor but also had to climb more stairs to the second floor where our rooms were as there was no elevator!!!!!

But he did it with a smile because he loved Wildwood!!!!!!

In the Summers, my friends and I kept Dad occupied but once I went back to school in the Fall, he grew bored!!!!

He started to do crafts!!!!

My Mom worked in the garment industry and would bring home empty thread spools....

My Dad looked at those spools and thought about what he could do with them and he came up with this!!!!!!

 He made that wreath hanging on the wall out of the thread spools shaped like cones!!!!!!

It looks like they are glued to a circle, have ornaments glued inside of each end of every spool and then a poinsettia , and other florals are glued to the center of the circle!!!

Sorry for the poor quality but the photos were in bad shape!!

I was able to find paper mache cones like those and I am going to try to recreate this wreath......

If you look on the coffee table, there are a few more of his creations!!!

He used the small cylinder like spools to make a Christmas Tree and 2 Wreaths!!!

 He alternated gluing cotton balls and ornaments in the end of each spool and then applied glitter!!!!!!

I used to decorate our house for Christmas with my Dad who loved Christmas!!!!

It was my Dad and I who put up and decorated the Tree as my Mom was working or cleaning after work ......

You can see how proud he is of his creations!!!

Now you know where I get my Christmas craziness from!!!!

He went on to craft other things like an Easter Bunny out of a Clorox jug which I wish I had a photo of!!!

Come the Spring of 1972, the Doctors realized that the only way to treat his ankle was with surgery....

An Ankle Fusion.......

So my Dad had the surgery and was again, in a cast!!!!

In April of 1972, my nephew John was born........

You can see Dad's crutches in this photo of my Dad and Mom with Johnny.......

 In June of that year, Devastation hit the Wyoming Valley where I live in the form of the Hurricane  Agnes causing the Agnes Flood of 1972!!!!

Almost all of the area along the Susquehanna River was reduced to rubble including my sister's house that she has just bought 3 months prior to the flooding.........

My sister's house is located in the lower right hand corner.....

It was a ranch house and the water just about covered the roof.....

My sister and her family moved in with us for about a month and once again, at 14 years old, I became a caretaker.......

While my BIL worked, my sister and my Dad, who was casted up past his thigh and on crutches, worked in her flood ravaged home, ripping it down to the dry wall so my Dad and sub-contractors he hired could rebuild it......

My sister and her husband were able to obtain a trailer, financed by HUD, to live in and had it parked in her front yard.....

Every week day, my Dad and I would go down my sister's where I stayed in the trailer and took care of my 22 month old niece and my 3 month old nephew..........

I did this until school started which was a month later than normal......

My sister's home was rebuilt, they eventually added a second story and she still lives there......

It is because of the Agnes Flood that I vowed to never live in the Flood Area or near any source of water.....

By this time, I was babysitting for 4 different families on the weekends and some week nights....

My Dad was now able to collect Social Security Disability.....

 My parents postponed our July trip to Wildwood that year but rescheduled it for August!!

Once again, but this time with a cast up to his thigh and on crutches, my Dad climbed those stairs at the Hotel Garfield and was happy to do so!!!!

 Since he was not able to get around too much, my parents decided to take my best friend, Anne, along with us !!!!!

I was thrilled and so was Anne, who had never been to the shore!!!!!

Yep, that is me on the left and Anne on the right......

There was no way my Dad was going to miss our yearly vacation to the Jersey Shore!!!

 I think it was because of that beautiful wrap around porch and beautiful wooden rocking chairs at the Hotel Garfield that I am infatuated with Porches!!!!!!

This photo was taken in the Fall of 1972 .........

That is me, holding my nephew and God son , Johnny, with my Dad's wheel chair to the side.......

It seemed as if it was just another piece of furniture to me growing up....

Finally, my Dad's ankle healed, though permanently fused, leaving him partially disabled........

 Dad and my childhood dog, Ginger , in our back yard under the apple tree whose apples he used to make the best apple pies......

 Now he was finally able to walk with out any assistive device but had a permanent limp.....

   Me and Dad , Easter, 1973

He had not been able to work for years and it was during those years that he would drive me and my friends every where and any where we wanted to go.....to and from school instead of taking the bus, to football games and dances and the movies, etc!!!

I always said that he would have drove me to the moon if he could have and it is for that reason that I was always the one who drove my boys anywhere they wanted to go and took all their friends along too!!!

 My Dad and I would watch TV together every night while my Mother cleaned the house after she came home from work.....

I used to clean the house in an attempt to help her but it was never good enough for my Mom...

 I think that is why I call myself a TV addict with 3 DVR's constantly taping TV shows because I remember the good times I had watching TV with my Dad....

In the Summer of 1974, we went back to Wildwood, again taking my best friend, Anne, with us!!!!!

 Anne is on the left and that is me on the right.....

Dad was now able to tend to his vegetable garden which grew even larger than this in future years......

 He loved  to work in the yard....

I inherited his green thumb and love of gardening.....

 In 1975, a new character came on the scene.......

I was working at a Fire Company Bingo.......

The kind that has the $1000 jack pots and pays $25 and $50 a game.......

Since it was run at the Fire Company that my BIL belonged to, my Dad ran the Concession Stand, doing all the cooking........

That was where I met Joe!!!!!

At first, I considered him too old for me as I was 17 years old and he was almost 21 years old.....

Joe was a caller and became friendly with my Dad.......

I think that was the only reason why my parents let me go out with him since he was almost 21 years old.......

Here we are going to my senior prom!!!

 And here are my parents , kidding around with Joe!!!

 Don't you just love Joe's hair, which was actually down to his shoulders when we first started dating in March of 1975!!!
 
My Dad and I remained very close and were often paired together because of my Mother was always busy cleaning when she came home after working all day.......

Here we are , cooking something!!!

In June of 1975, I graduated high school........

Dad, my sister holding my nephew Johnny, me, my Mom and my niece Lisa......

Once again, we went on vacation that Summer to our beloved Wildwood but the Hotel Garfield had been torn down due to redevelopment.......

So we found a new place to stay, the Riviera Motel , which was family owned......

 This Summer started a new tradition of not only a new place to stay but a new person to go on vacation with!!

 Dad, me and Joe on a day trip to Cape May, N.J.

We continued to go to Wildwood on vacation every year, even after I married and had children, with my parents, until my Dad passed away......

We then kept going, taking my Mother with us, until Joe started working at the Post Office and was unable to get time off for the first 6 years he worked there..........

It is on my Bucket List to take my family to Wildwood again and stay at the Riviera Motel which is still owned by the same family, once I have my Knee Surgery and can walk the boardwalk again.....

 The Riviera Motel now

That August of 1975, I would enter Nursing School, where I was required to live in the dorm for my Freshman year.......

Since it was only a 10 minute drive from our house, my Dad would take me back after each weekend off and pick me up to take me home before the next weekend off!!!

Joe proposed to me , after visiting with my parents to get their approval, in the Spring of 1976!!

I was 18 years old......

Joe was already a member of the family and many times, instead of going out on a date, we would stay at my house and play cards or board games with my Dad until the wee hours of the morning......

 My Mom was usually busy doing something else but did occasionally join us.......

It was on New Year's Eve, 1977, that my Dad shared his infamous recipe on how to make lobster tails with Joe.......

 My Mom with Joe and my Dad holding lobster tails!!!

Love the aprons!!!!

It is Joe, who is now known for his famous lobster tails!!!!!

Even making them to celebrate our son Jim's marriage to his long time Love, Danielle, this past November.......

And Joe still makes lobster every year for New Year's Eve, continuing the tradition of my family.....

It killed me this year that we had to cancel New Year's Eve dinner because I was so sick......

In June of 1978, I graduated Nursing School........

It was because of my Dad's disability that I was able to get grants to go to Nursing School......

Because finances were tough for my parent's, I tracked down, through my counselor at school, several Scholarships that also helped pay most of my tuition and I paid the rest by baby sitting and working at the Bingo twice a week.......

 Now you are probably thinking that becoming a caretaker so early in my life is why I became a nurse, right?????

HECK NO!!!!!

The LAST thing I ever wanted to be was a Nurse!!!

But I became one because my Mother would not let me become anything else and because my sister was a Nurse, I therefore had to become a Nurse in my Mother's mind ........

I had wanted to work in journalism or banking.....Anything BUT in Healthcare.......

Working full time in my profession for 37 years, and then part time until now, afforded us a certain lifestyle and has allowed both Joe and I to retire early at the age of 62........

Again, everything happens for a reason.....

 In August of 1978, Joe and I married in the same church that my parents got married in........

We were married by the same priest that baptized me........

 My maid of honor, standing to the side in yellow, was Cheryl, one of the childhood friends who came and played cards and games with my Dad......

My Mother cried the entire year before I got married........

Yes, she did!!!

But it was the look on my Dad's face in these pictures that says it all.......

 Especially this one, as he fights to hold back tears, walking me down the aisle with my Mom.......

As I mentioned before, Cheryl, in yellow, was my maid of honor and Linda, in the green, next to Joe, were the childhood friends who became good friends with my Dad and helped to keep him occupied for that first Summer and for several years after his accident...........

 I was so very fortunate to get to spend more time with my Dad than most children get to spend with their parents and for that, I am forever grateful.....

And I feel Blessed!!

 When I got married, my Dad asked that Joe and I move in with them so we could save money to build a house......

But ironically, it was my Mother who told me not to........

She lived next to her parents for the first few years of their marriage, having quite a toxic relationship with her Dad , who later disowned her when my grandmother died.......

When my Dad built the house that I grew up in( when I was 4 years old), in the next town over from where my mother's parents lived, my mother always said that that was when her life began and she felt free.......

She wanted me to feel that way .......

So 8 months before we married, Joe and I bought the townhouse that we still live in, turning down my Dad's offer for us to live with them......

 I think that broke my Dad's heart but he never let me know it.....

Our house was a 20 minute drive from my parent's house........

I was 20 years old and my very first pay check as a Nurse bought everything we needed to stock the Kitchen and Bathrooms of our new house.....

I was my Dad's "Debbie Webbie" as he used to affectionately call me......

Close to 30 years ago, I got this license plate for my car......

 It is as close to "Debbie Webbie" as I was able to get.....

 And it now graces our retirement car that we just bought......

 And this is where I will leave off when telling the story of how my Dad shaped my life in my early years......

My Dad remained a major force in my life, shaping me into the person I am today, but I will leave that for another post.......

I take pride when I say I am a Carpenter's Daughter because my Dad always showed me how to  do things that most Father's back in those days would show their sons and not their daughter's.

He always encouraged me to do what ever I wanted to do and taught me the value of hard work and perseverance.......

It was because of his accident that I learned to take care of myself especially financially.....

My Mother always said and taught me to  " Never Be Dependent on a Man for Anything" !!!

I think she said this because of my Dad's accident, throwing her into the role of, not only the Major Bread Winner, but for a time, the only Bread Winner!!!!

She wanted me to be able to support myself no matter what happened in life!!

In my last post, "Life Changes in an Instant".......

 I shared that I am no longer physically able to work as my knee has deteriorated to the point that I can barely walk and am scheduled for Knee Replacement Surgery in April.......

Ironically, my first day not working any more was February 22.......

2/22.......

222 was my parent's house number and it has been a number that has come up multiple times since my Dad passed away as my Mom sold the house 2 months after his passing!!

Joe has won playing it on The Daily Number on the Lottery many times, I will be driving down a street and see a license plate number , 222, in front of me and I will frequently wake up at night and look at the clock and it is 2:22  am......

Not working is something I have not done since the age of 12 when I started earning my own money........

It is something that I am still getting used to.....

Again, everything happens for a reason......

Since I have been off, I have been trying to organize tons of old photos and it was when I saw the photos that I used in this post along with many more, I realized that I am more like my Dad than I ever thought I was.....

My Ortho Surgeon, my Unit Manager and many others have wondered how I lasted 6 years after being told I needed a knee replacement........

I now realize it is because I had the most wonderful teacher of all.......

My Dad taught me kindness, compassion, strength and resilience and how to take lemons and make them into lemonade as the saying goes.....

And through it all, he never complained......

Having a disability never kept him from living life to the fullest.......

This is something I need to keep in mind now and once I have my surgery.....

I have been called a "Tough Old Bird"  and I realize that his example made me that way and I am so very PROUD of it!!!!

I want to give a Shout Out to my nephew John, who is living his life to the fullest and enjoying the time he is getting to spend with his girls, making memories, even while fighting a serious illness.......

 Your Grandfather would be so PROUD of you, John!!!

 When I was in my last year of Nursing School, since my Dad was considered only partially disabled because he had the ankle fusion surgery, he lost his full disability and returned to work as a janitor also doing light maintenance and worked for several businesses before permanently retiring......

My Mother continued to work until the day my Dad died which became her last day of work......

This time, it was Joe and I, who now went to her place of work, to tell her of my Dad's passing but with that 6th sense of hers, when she saw us, she started to cry and kept saying "NO!"

She knew before I could tell her that my sister found my Dad dead....

Unfortunately, this tight bond that I had with my Dad made it devastating for me when he passed away suddenly of a massive heart attack ......

I spoke to him on the phone everyday and saw him at least once a week.....

And suddenly, he was gone.......

 Christmas 1978

 I never got to say Good Bye.......

My heart was broken into a million pieces but I was a Mother of 2 sons by then and I had to be strong for my own family even though my world had just collapsed.....

Joe also took it very badly as he was closer to my Dad than he ever was to his own Father.....

So I decided that I would carry on in my Dad's memory and make him proud of me and how I lived my life......

And be strong like he was......

Using everything he taught me.......

The one thing that he always told me was "Never Let Anyone Use You As  Door Mat!"

Some might say that I have taken that and ran with it!!

LOL!!

Yes, 32 years have passed since he left me behind but not a day goes by that I don't think of him and smile......

He would be so proud of my boys and the men that they have become and the lives that they live......

They are kind, polite, strong and generous....like he was!!!

I know he is PROUD because I know he is looking down and smiling, with that tear in his eye and saying  "That a girl!!"

What I wouldn't give to have one more day with my Dad.........

And maybe even play a game of cards like we used to........

 All those years ago........

And get to say Good Bye .....

And that we will see each other and be together again....

UPDATE September, 2019

Sadly, my nephew John lost his battle with cancer on August 7th, 2019 surrounded by his wife and daughters that he was able to spend most of his last year and a half with creating memories that will last them their life time....

Before he passed, he mentioned to his wife Renae that he was really looking forward to seeing Grampy ( my Dad) again!!

I know my Mom and Dad were waiting there to welcome him into heaven and my Dad was saying "That a Boy, job well done".....

I hope you will stop by again soon.....

Thanks to those who took the time out of their busy day to spend a little bit of time with me!!

If you do not have a blog, PLEASE  give me some way to reply to your comment, maybe by including your email in your comment.  If I can not find a way to reach you, I will reply on the post where you commented so please check back......

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