HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to ALL!!!
In keeping with trying to be "real", this may not be your typical Mother's Day post but it is an honest one.....
My Mother had a very hard life even though she "came from money" during the Great Depression. Her father had wanted a son and even named her Pauline after himself, Paul.
He never let her forget that he wanted a son and was disappointed that he did not get his wish. My sister and I always felt from certain things that she said that she might have been physically abused by this rather cruel man.
She was an only child and totally devoted to her mother who in her early 40's developed severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and was wheelchair bound for the last 11 years of her life, passing away at only 62 years old.
My Mom worked full time in a Dress Factory and took care of her own house and her parent's house which was right next door and was nurse maid for her Mom. At the time of my grandmother's death, I was only 2 years old and my sister was 12 so she also had 2 young children while doing this.
The day of the Funeral, her Father changed the locks on his doors and disowned her, barring her from taking things that her Mother had promised to her. This is why I have very little from my grandmother.
He then married my Grandmother's Best Friend 1 month after my grandmother's death, in NY. and came home and told my mother that he was married again. She was shocked and humiliated for she did not know of the affair.
My Mother then had to live next door, for the next 2 years, to this horrible man that was her Father and his new wife, who called my Mother and us every name in the book.
My Mother almost suffered a Nervous Breakdown.
Until, my Dad built her another new home and took her away from that life.
She always said that that was when she started to live because she felt that she had died inside......
The one bright star that she had in her life was my Dad and he loved her no matter what , even with all that drama in her life.
This is a copy of a post I wrote 3 years about her.......
Written March 28, 2011
Seven years ago, on March 29, 2004, my Mom passed away.
She was 84 years old. This year, she would have been 91 years old.
I realized soon afterward that my sister and I were now the oldest living generation of our family.
Having lost both of our parents, we were now orphans.
My Mom was 19 years old when this pic was taken.
She
was an only child. Her father had wanted a boy to name after himself.
He still named her after himself, naming her Pauline since his name was
Paul.She then met the love of her life, my Dad, Frank.
What a handsome couple they made.....
They were married in 1942 on June 6th.
Shortly after they moved to Spartansburg, S.C. to so my Dad could be trained to be deployed in World War II. My Mom lived off the base.
He would be gone overseas for nearly 5 years. She lived with her parents until he returned.They built a home next door to her parents and then they had their first child, my sister Barbara , in 1947.
My Mom was told that she would not be able to have any more children.
In Jan., 1958, over 10 years later, she gave birth to a second daughter...... Debbie.
This is my Mom and me in 1960. She was 41 years old in this picture.
My Dad and my Mom did everything together.Picture was taken in 1974.....
They built another home in 1962 and they would live there until 1987.Mom, with a rose given to her by my Dad from their garden, and my childhood dog, Ginger.
They had 6 grand children and another that my Dad would never see as my sister was pregnant when my Dad passed away in 1987.Mom on the Santa Express with my Jimmy and Joey in 1986.
On
Feb. 26, 1987, My Sister and I would find my Dad dead. He was retired
but my Mom was still working in a Dress Factory in the mornings. He was
67 years old. I did the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life that
morning.....go to where my Mom worked and tell her that her Frankie was
gone.....She would never be the same.
She sold their dream home 3 months later and moved into a Senior Citizen Apartment. She could not bear to live in that house without him.
She went on with life and enjoyed her grandchildren.
But there was a sadness in her eyes that never went away.
Mom and my Joey and Jimmy at the airport when we were waiting for our flight to Disney World.
She would see grandchildren graduate high school, college, marry and have children of their own....Mom and my Jimmy at his High School graduation in 2002
She enjoyed her family and the friends that she had made while living in her apartment but something was missing from her life.
In Feb. of 2004 , when she entered the hospital with pancreatitis and sepsis, I knew she would never return to her apartment.
She lived for another 8 weeks during which my sister and I visited the hospital twice a day and watched her die a little bit every day.
Finally, on March 26, 2004 , we were able to move her from the hospital to an Inpatient Hospice unit. She had been in a coma since Sat., March 27. On March 28, I was the last one visiting but before I left her, I told her it was okay to go, that Barbara and I would be okay and that it was finally time to return to my Dad's side, where she so desparately wanted to be for the 17 years that she had lived without him. When I whispered this to her, her opened her eyes and looked at me one last time. I knew she had heard and understood me.
I left her at 11 pm , went out and sat in the car in the parking lot, called my sister and told her what I had said and that Mom had opened her eyes and I believed that she understood me. I sobbed for the next half hour out in the parking lot.
At 1 am, 2 hours later , on March 29, 2004, I received the call that my Mom had passed away quietly in her sleep. Peacefully, pain free and with the utmost dignity.
She was finally with the only man she ever loved........her Frankie.
The last picture taken of my Mom in Feb. 2004
I know that they are both watching over my family and my sister's until the day when we will be together again.
Now my Mom and I did not always get along and there were times when we did not speak to each other. .
In some ways, I am like my Mother but in many ways, I am NOT like her, learning not to make the same mistakes with my sons that she made with me.
She DID teach me to be a very strong woman, to make your own money and "NEVER be dependent on a Man for anything" even though her life did fall apart for awhile when my Dad died.
For many years, I blamed her for "Making me go and become a nurse like my sister" when Nursing was the LAST thing I wanted to do.
My Nursing career has seen me through many rough times and I would not have what I have today if not for my profession.
But in looking back, now that I am older and wiser, I realize that a lot happened in her life and sometimes, maybe, she could not help the way she acted.
I wish I would have realized this when she was alive and maybe not taken so many things to heart like I did.....But she hurt me emotionally many times..
She compared me to my sister my entire life.
I was the "Gypsy" ( her words) of the family ( or black sheep).....
But before she passed away, we had made our peace with each other and neither of us had any regrets.
So I guess what I am trying to say this Mother's Day is tell your Mom that you love her because time may pass and you may not get that chance.
I Thank God that I had that chance........
No matter how she treated me, I have no regrets.....
I am off this weekend and will be ordering in from our favorite Italian Eatery and enjoying a meal and relaxing afternoon at home with this Crew.......
I hope you get to spend the day with those that you love!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
I will be linking up to these great parties this week:
SUNDAY
Seasonal Sunday
Clever Chicks Blog Hop
Sunday Showcase
Share It Sunday
Sunday's Best Partay!
Treasure Box Tuesday
History and Home Party
A-Zebra Linky party Tuesdays
Cottage Style Linky Party
Trash 2 Treasure Linky Party
Time to Sparkle Party
WEDNESDAY
History and Home Party
A-Zebra Linky party Tuesdays
Cottage Style Linky Party
Trash 2 Treasure Linky Party
Time to Sparkle Party
WEDNESDAY
Wow Us Wednesday
Sizzle into Summer Party
Lovely Ladies Linky Party
What's It Wednesday
Wednesdays Adorned From Above Linky Party
Ducks in a Row Wonderful Wednesdays Blog Hop
Worthwhile Wednesdays
Wake Up Wednesdays
Whatever Goes Wednesday
Wow Me Wednesday
THURSDAY
Treasure Hunt Thursdays
Treasure Hunt Thursdays
Home and Garden Party Thursday
Homemaking Weekend Link Up Party
Time Travel Thursday
Share Your Cup Thursday
Vintage Thingie Thursday
Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop
Grace at Home Party
Catch a Glimpse Thursday
Thursday Sweet Haute Share Linky Party
FRIDAY
Simple and Sweet Fridays
Home Sweet Home Friday
Be Inspired FridaysHomemaking Weekend Link Up Party
Time Travel Thursday
Share Your Cup Thursday
Vintage Thingie Thursday
Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop
Grace at Home Party
Catch a Glimpse Thursday
Thursday Sweet Haute Share Linky Party
FRIDAY
Simple and Sweet Fridays
Home Sweet Home Friday
Fridays Unfolded Linky Party
Show and Tell Friday
Let's Get Real Friday Party
Feathered Nest Friday
Friday Favorites
Flaunt It Fridays
What To Do Weekends
Inspire Me Please Weekend Blog Hop
Anything Goes Linky Party
The Party Bunch
Friday's Five Features Party
Creativity Unleashed Link Party
Inspiration Gallery Link Party
SATURDAY
Best of the Weekend Party
The Creative Collection Link Party
From the Farm Blog Hop
Pink Saturday
Strut Your Stuff Saturdays
Saturday Show and Tell
Serenity Saturday
The Creative Exchange
Say G' Day Saturday
Please take some time to visit these terrific hosts and all those joining in on the fun!
Thanks so much for stopping by today and every day that you take the time to visit with me!
Hugs,
Debbie
Hugs,
Debbie
Debbie, this post brought tears to my eyes. You have a good heart.
ReplyDeleteMy mom and I had an awkward relationship; I did everything to try and please her. After she passed, I learned why she was towards me the way she was. I'm glad you made peace with your mom, that's a true blessing.
ReplyDelete