32 years ago today, on February 26th, my Dad, the first love of my life, passed away suddenly.......alone......never getting to say Good Bye........
Have I really lived more than half my life without him??????
Two years ago, I wrote a post about the events of that day and why it haunted me for a long time......
Above is the last photo that was taken of my Dad several days before he passed away.....
It took some time for me to realize that everything that happened that day, happened for a reason and it was meant to be....
I apologize for the photos as I have been removing tons of old photos from those magnetic albums.....
I took photos of the ones used in this post.....
Here you can see he is taking a nap after work after doing a "concrete job"!!
The following Friday, when my parents were both leaving for work ( my Mom worked full time in the Garment Industry as a sewing machine operator her whole life) , my Mom said she was relieved that this would be the last day for my Dad on that "Roof Job".
But that relief was short lived.......
Shortly after 9am that morning, the scaffolding that my Dad and another worker were standing on, pulled away from the building and my Dad fell over 30 feet, landing on the sidewalk below......
He landed sitting up therefore fracturing multiple vertebrae in his back and crushing his ankle.....
Since the other worker seemed to be hurt worse than my Dad ( he ended up not being hurt that much as he was much younger than my Dad), he told EMS to tend to the other worker first.....
That was so typical of my Dad......
My Dad had my sister called, who was married, and now living locally...
It was she who had to go to my Mom's place of work to tell her about the accident...
When my Mom saw my sister walking towards her , she asked " Is he dead or alive????"
Long story short, that was the day that my childhood, as I knew it, ended.......
Before that day, I was home enjoying the Summer....
Being left home alone as both my parent's worked, being able to sleep as long as I wanted to and do what I wanted to as long as I stayed in our neighborhood.....
So you see that even though I was only 12 years old, I was pretty independent at a very young age but with little responsibilities....
When my Dad came home from the hospital, my mother was not able to stay home as she had to work because my Dad's income was gone until he received Workman's Comp which I remembered taking a very long time back then.......
So at the age of 12 years old, I became my Dad's Caretaker.......
I had to get up early in the mornings and help him get into a huge metal back brace and fasten what seemed like a million straps.....
I cooked breakfast and lunch for him which was not new to me as I used to do that for myself......
But I could not leave him alone that first Summer that he was considered disabled because God forbid if he fell......
I thank God for my childhood friends Cheryl and Linda, who lived by us and my best friend, Anne, because they would come over and join my Dad and me in numerous card games along with Parcheesi ,Topple, Racko, Uno and Scrabble!!
I am THANKFUL for that Summer as that forged a deep bond between my Dad and I that I never would have had if he not had that accident and continued to work full time......
I got to spend more time with my Dad than most children EVER get to spend with their Father.....
Again, everything happens for a reason........
That Summer, my parents also became Grandparents for the first time with the birth of my Niece , Lisa!!
After his first cast, that was up past his thigh, came off, he was given a "Walking Cast, enabling him to get around better....
I went back to school in the Fall and my Dad, being more mobile, was able to take care of himself but was bored out of his mind!!!!!!
He was always used to doing things by himself since his mother died at a young age....
He always was a great cook but now started to do all the cooking while hanging on to crutches in a back brace....
He even started to bake with one day attempting to make a cake mix that my Mom had in the cupboard, leaving the Kitchen looking like a bomb hit it!!!!
He then started to bake apple pies using the apples from our apple tree in the back yard......
He became a better cook and baker than my Mother was and she was happy about it!!
Also in the Fall of 1970, after that Summer when he had his accident, I started working.......
Yes, at 12 years old , I was baby sitting for 4 different families and earning my own money......
I do not think that I would have taken on that much responsibility at such a young age if I had not become my Dad's Caretaker that Summer....
He was eventually put into an ankle brace as they were trying to get the crushed bones in his ankle to "knit" back together and he no longer needed to wear the back brace......
We used to go on Vacation every year since I was 2 years old to Wildwood, N.J.....the Jersey Shore!!!
I am 5 years in this photo taken in 1963!!
So off we went to Wildwood, even though he was walking with a cane and a brace on his left ankle!!!!
Yes, money was tight but my parents felt that we all needed a vacation......
I am so grateful that they felt that way because I have wonderful memories!!
Here we are playing cards like we did so often!!!!
When we first started to go to Wildwood, we stayed in one of those wonderful old Hotels that was built in the early 1900's, The Hotel Garfield!!!!
The Dining Room was under those stairs and your breakfast and dinner were including in the price!!!!!!
But he did it with a smile because he loved Wildwood!!!!!!
In the Summers, my friends and I kept Dad occupied but once I went back to school in the Fall, he grew bored!!!!
He started to do crafts!!!!
My Mom worked in the garment industry and would bring home empty thread spools....
My Dad looked at those spools and thought about what he could do with them and he came up with this!!!!!!
It looks like they are glued to a circle, have ornaments glued inside of each end of every spool and then a poinsettia , and other florals are glued to the center of the circle!!!
I was able to find paper mache cones like those and I am going to try to recreate this wreath......
If you look on the coffee table, there are a few more of his creations!!!
I used to decorate our house for Christmas with my Dad who loved Christmas!!!!
It was my Dad and I who put up and decorated the Tree as my Mom was working or cleaning after work ......
You can see how proud he is of his creations!!!
Now you know where I get my Christmas craziness from!!!!
He went on to craft other things like an Easter Bunny out of a Clorox jug which I wish I had a photo of!!!
Come the Spring of 1972, the Doctors realized that the only way to treat his ankle was with surgery....
An Ankle Fusion.......
So my Dad had the surgery and was again, in a cast!!!!
In April of 1972, my nephew John was born........
You can see Dad's crutches in this photo of my Dad and Mom with Johnny.......
Almost all of the area along the Susquehanna River was reduced to rubble including my sister's house that she has just bought 3 months prior to the flooding.........
It was a ranch house and the water just about covered the roof.....
My sister and her family moved in with us for about a month and once again, at 14 years old, I became a caretaker.......
While my BIL worked, my sister and my Dad, who was casted up past his thigh and on crutches, worked in her flood ravaged home, ripping it down to the dry wall so my Dad and sub-contractors he hired could rebuild it......
My sister and her husband were able to obtain a trailer, financed by HUD, to live in and had it parked in her front yard.....
Every week day, my Dad and I would go down my sister's where I stayed in the trailer and took care of my 22 month old niece and my 3 month old nephew..........
I did this until school started which was a month later than normal......
My sister's home was rebuilt, they eventually added a second story and she still lives there......
It is because of the Agnes Flood that I vowed to never live in the Flood Area or near any source of water.....
By this time, I was babysitting for 4 different families on the weekends and some week nights....
My Dad was now able to collect Social Security Disability.....
My parents postponed our July trip to Wildwood that year but rescheduled it for August!!
Once again, but this time with a cast up to his thigh and on crutches, my Dad climbed those stairs at the Hotel Garfield and was happy to do so!!!!
I was thrilled and so was Anne, who had never been to the shore!!!!!
This photo was taken in the Fall of 1972 .........
It seemed as if it was just another piece of furniture to me growing up....
Finally, my Dad's ankle healed, though permanently fused, leaving him partially disabled........
Me and Dad , Easter, 1973
He had not been able to work for years and it was during those years that he would drive me and my friends every where and any where we wanted to go.....to and from school instead of taking the bus, to football games and dances and the movies, etc!!!
I always said that he would have drove me to the moon if he could have and it is for that reason that I was always the one who drove my boys anywhere they wanted to go and took all their friends along too!!!
I used to clean the house in an attempt to help her but it was never good enough for my Mom...
In the Summer of 1974, we went back to Wildwood, again taking my best friend, Anne, with us!!!!!
Dad was now able to tend to his vegetable garden which grew even larger than this in future years......
In 1975, a new character came on the scene.......
I was working at a Fire Company Bingo.......
The kind that has the $1000 jack pots and pays $25 and $50 a game.......
Since it was run at the Fire Company that my BIL belonged to, my Dad ran the Concession Stand, doing all the cooking........
That was where I met Joe!!!!!
At first, I considered him too old for me as I was 17 years old and he was almost 21 years old.....
Joe was a caller and became friendly with my Dad.......
I think that was the only reason why my parents let me go out with him since he was almost 21 years old.......
Here we are going to my senior prom!!!
My Dad and I remained very close and were often paired together because of my Mother was always busy cleaning when she came home after working all day.......
Here we are , cooking something!!!
Once again, we went on vacation that Summer to our beloved Wildwood but the Hotel Garfield had been torn down due to redevelopment.......
So we found a new place to stay, the Riviera Motel , which was family owned......
We continued to go to Wildwood on vacation every year, even after I married and had children, with my parents, until my Dad passed away......
We then kept going, taking my Mother with us, until Joe started working at the Post Office and was unable to get time off for the first 6 years he worked there..........
It is on my Bucket List to take my family to Wildwood again and stay at the Riviera Motel which is still owned by the same family, once I have my Knee Surgery and can walk the boardwalk again.....
The Riviera Motel now
That August of 1975, I would enter Nursing School, where I was required to live in the dorm for my Freshman year.......
Since it was only a 10 minute drive from our house, my Dad would take me back after each weekend off and pick me up to take me home before the next weekend off!!!
Joe proposed to me , after visiting with my parents to get their approval, in the Spring of 1976!!
I was 18 years old......
Joe was already a member of the family and many times, instead of going out on a date, we would stay at my house and play cards or board games with my Dad until the wee hours of the morning......
It was on New Year's Eve, 1977, that my Dad shared his infamous recipe on how to make lobster tails with Joe.......
Love the aprons!!!!
It is Joe, who is now known for his famous lobster tails!!!!!
And Joe still makes lobster every year for New Year's Eve, continuing the tradition of my family.....
It killed me this year that we had to cancel New Year's Eve dinner because I was so sick......
In June of 1978, I graduated Nursing School........
Because finances were tough for my parent's, I tracked down, through my counselor at school, several Scholarships that also helped pay most of my tuition and I paid the rest by baby sitting and working at the Bingo twice a week.......
Now you are probably thinking that becoming a caretaker so early in my life is why I became a nurse, right?????
HECK NO!!!!!
The LAST thing I ever wanted to be was a Nurse!!!
But I became one because my Mother would not let me become anything else and because my sister was a Nurse, I therefore had to become a Nurse in my Mother's mind ........
I had wanted to work in journalism or banking.....Anything BUT in Healthcare.......
Working full time in my profession for 37 years, and then part time until now, afforded us a certain lifestyle and has allowed both Joe and I to retire early at the age of 62........
Again, everything happens for a reason.....
In August of 1978, Joe and I married in the same church that my parents got married in........
We were married by the same priest that baptized me........
My Mother cried the entire year before I got married........
Yes, she did!!!
But it was the look on my Dad's face in these pictures that says it all.......
And I feel Blessed!!
When I got married, my Dad asked that Joe and I move in with them so we could save money to build a house......
But ironically, it was my Mother who told me not to........
She lived next to her parents for the first few years of their marriage, having quite a toxic relationship with her Dad , who later disowned her when my grandmother died.......
When my Dad built the house that I grew up in( when I was 4 years old), in the next town over from where my mother's parents lived, my mother always said that that was when her life began and she felt free.......
She wanted me to feel that way .......
So 8 months before we married, Joe and I bought the townhouse that we still live in, turning down my Dad's offer for us to live with them......
I think that broke my Dad's heart but he never let me know it.....
Our house was a 20 minute drive from my parent's house........
I was 20 years old and my very first pay check as a Nurse bought everything we needed to stock the Kitchen and Bathrooms of our new house.....
I was my Dad's "Debbie Webbie" as he used to affectionately call me......
Close to 30 years ago, I got this license plate for my car......
And this is where I will leave off when telling the story of how my Dad shaped my life in my early years......
My Dad remained a major force in my life, shaping me into the person I am today, but I will leave that for another post.......
I take pride when I say I am a Carpenter's Daughter because my Dad always showed me how to do things that most Father's back in those days would show their sons and not their daughter's.
He always encouraged me to do what ever I wanted to do and taught me the value of hard work and perseverance.......
It was because of his accident that I learned to take care of myself especially financially.....
My Mother always said and taught me to " Never Be Dependent on a Man for Anything" !!!
I think she said this because of my Dad's accident, throwing her into the role of, not only the Major Bread Winner, but for a time, the only Bread Winner!!!!
She wanted me to be able to support myself no matter what happened in life!!
In my last post, "Life Changes in an Instant".......
Ironically, my first day not working any more was February 22.......
2/22.......
222 was my parent's house number and it has been a number that has come up multiple times since my Dad passed away as my Mom sold the house 2 months after his passing!!
Joe has won playing it on The Daily Number on the Lottery many times, I will be driving down a street and see a license plate number , 222, in front of me and I will frequently wake up at night and look at the clock and it is 2:22 am......
Not working is something I have not done since the age of 12 when I started earning my own money........
It is something that I am still getting used to.....
Again, everything happens for a reason......
Since I have been off, I have been trying to organize tons of old photos and it was when I saw the photos that I used in this post along with many more, I realized that I am more like my Dad than I ever thought I was.....
My Ortho Surgeon, my Unit Manager and many others have wondered how I lasted 6 years after being told I needed a knee replacement........
I now realize it is because I had the most wonderful teacher of all.......
My Dad taught me kindness, compassion, strength and resilience and how to take lemons and make them into lemonade as the saying goes.....
Having a disability never kept him from living life to the fullest.......
This is something I need to keep in mind now and once I have my surgery.....
I have been called a "Tough Old Bird" and I realize that his example made me that way and I am so very PROUD of it!!!!
I want to give a Shout Out to my nephew John, who is living his life to the fullest and enjoying the time he is getting to spend with his girls, making memories, even while fighting a serious illness.......
When I was in my last year of Nursing School, since my Dad was considered only partially disabled because he had the ankle fusion surgery, he lost his full disability and returned to work as a janitor also doing light maintenance and worked for several businesses before permanently retiring......
My Mother continued to work until the day my Dad died which became her last day of work......
This time, it was Joe and I, who now went to her place of work, to tell her of my Dad's passing but with that 6th sense of hers, when she saw us, she started to cry and kept saying "NO!"
Unfortunately, this tight bond that I had with my Dad made it devastating for me when he passed away suddenly of a massive heart attack ......
I spoke to him on the phone everyday and saw him at least once a week.....
And suddenly, he was gone.......
Christmas 1978
I never got to say Good Bye.......
My heart was broken into a million pieces but I was a Mother of 2 sons by then and I had to be strong for my own family even though my world had just collapsed.....
Joe also took it very badly as he was closer to my Dad than he ever was to his own Father.....
So I decided that I would carry on in my Dad's memory and make him proud of me and how I lived my life......
And be strong like he was......
Using everything he taught me.......
The one thing that he always told me was "Never Let Anyone Use You As Door Mat!"
Some might say that I have taken that and ran with it!!
LOL!!
Yes, 32 years have passed since he left me behind but not a day goes by that I don't think of him and smile......
He would be so proud of my boys and the men that they have become and the lives that they live......
I know he is PROUD because I know he is looking down and smiling, with that tear in his eye and saying "That a girl!!"
What I wouldn't give to have one more day with my Dad.........
And maybe even play a game of cards like we used to........
And get to say Good Bye .....
And that we will see each other and be together again....
UPDATE September, 2019
Sadly, my nephew John lost his battle with cancer on August 7th, 2019 surrounded by his wife and daughters that he was able to spend most of his last year and a half with creating memories that will last them their life time....
I know my Mom and Dad were waiting there to welcome him into heaven and my Dad was saying "That a Boy, job well done".....
I hope you will stop by again soon.....
Thanks to those who took the time out of their busy day to spend a little bit of time with me!!
If you do not have a blog, PLEASE give me some way to reply to your comment, maybe by including your email in your comment. If I can not find a way to reach you, I will reply on the post where you commented so please check back......
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